# Picard has a bigger spaceship, which can separate into two spaceships.
# Picard quotes Shakespeare all the time. Hell, even the ability to speak without pausing every two to three seconds puts him above Kirk
# Picard: Not only the president of the Enterprise, but also a client.
# Picard was turned into a robot. Robots are cool.
# Picard can say "Make it so" in 43 different inflections in 6 different languages.
# Picard isn't a walking sexual harassment suit. Hiring Picard instead of a skirt-chaser like Kirk is estimated to have saved the Federation 23 billion credits worth of legal fees and hush money paid to the mothers of illegitimate children spread out across hundreds of star systems.
# Picard has an annoying techno song compsed totally of his lines. Then someone took the time to make a music video by finding the scenes the lines were from, and editing them to fit the song. Crazy.
# Picard Wasn't made an admiral. Kirk told him not to let starfleet promote him, and he didn't. Therfore Picard is better.
# Picard would never, ever tell his fans to GET A LIFE!
# Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.
# Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.
# Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets from 1950s period dramas.
# Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 5 or 6 lines.
# Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in both directions.
# Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously morphed into a little girl.
# Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.
# Picard has so much backbone Starfleet designers had to cut out a section of his command chair for it all to fit in.
# Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.
# Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship only to have it get destroyed, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.
# Picard commands his ship using the big head.
# Picard has a ship whose engines can take it.
# Three words: seven whole seasons.
# Picard never uses Grecian 2000.
# Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive", a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what a complete shambles resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races.
# The only way Picard would allow Tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.
# Picard never met Joan Collins.
# Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.
# Picard participates in the odd archaeological dig. Kirk would make a suitable subject for one.
# One question: to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your daughter?
# Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist and wrestle with some guy in a rubber lizard suit. He lets his First Officer do all that for him.
# Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon torpedo.
# Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.
# Picard doesn't need hair, real or not.
# Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in gogo boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.
# Picard's adventures spun off three new series, each longer than Kirk's run. Kirk only inspired a one-seasoned cartoon, and six movies.
# Kirk's First Officer played some form of Vulcan harp, an instrument that makes the trombone look like just about the most macho thing this side of Kirk's toupee.
# How many innocent yellow-shirted security officers have been killed by crazed aliens who had taken pot shots at them in the mistaken belief that they were actually shooting at Kirk?
# Kirk commands his ship as if he's driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
# When Picard was 37, he was the Captain of the lowly Stargazer. Starfleet soon learned the value of "progressive experience" having witnessed the disastrous consequences of letting someone take charge of a real ship when their previous vehicular experience extended only as far as driving a tractor across an Iowa wheat field.
# If Kirk had a doctor like Beverly Crusher, Starfleet would have to relocate the command chair in sickbay.
# If Kirk was captain when Tasha Yar died, he would have tried to do her corpse.
# Picard has more than one token black person on his crew.
# Picard isn't afraid to go places without a security team.
# Picard doesn't wear pansy sailor-boy markings on his cuffs.
# Picard has shuttlecraft that can travel faster than Kirk's ship.
# Picard would never have said "He's had too much LDS".
# Picard never has to say stupid things like, "I...am a Gr'up!" in front of young teenage girls who fancy him.
# Picard was actually in his own show's pilot episode.
# Picard never visits planets that look suspiciously like a Californian desert, except for that time he met Kirk.
# Picard won't spend his retirement writing science fiction books or making cameo appearances in Zemeckis & Zemeckis films.
# Picard was never demoted to a lieutenant in the L.A. Police Department.
# Picard is too slim to require a Kellogg's All Bran diet, and too dignified to turn up in an ad for such things.
# Picard's doctor doesn't have to keep reminding him what her job is.
# Picard doesn't have to operate his turbo lifts using hand pumps.
# Picard's main viewer is a 200 inch hi-definition TV with Nicam and Pro-Logic surround-sound.
# Picard's ego wouldn't demand $7 million for a 10 minute appearance in a movie.
# Picard can spend more than 15 minutes on a planet before being shot at or locked up.
# Picard's ship was never taken over by a door-to-door salesman.
# If the Borg had assimilated Kirk, they wouldn't have learned anything.
# Picard's First Officer eats the things that attack Kirk in alien forests.
# Picard would never blow up his own ship.
# Imagine you have to impose your authority: "This is Captain Jean Luc Picard of the Federation Starship Enterprise." Now introduce yourself as "James Tiberius Kirk, but you can call me Jim." See the difference?
# If Q had met Kirk instead of Picard he would have destroyed humanity before Kirk got two words out.
# Who ever heard of the Patrick Stewart foundation?
# One word: Intelligence
# When Picard met Kirk, only one of them survived. Guess who it was.
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